Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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