who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
