if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
soo... how was my night?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
