I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
