I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
