we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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