Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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