I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
