What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
