When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
