Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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