You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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