we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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