operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
