i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
