I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
