So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i want to swaddle you in tequila
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
