I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
