You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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