I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
