So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I deserve this hangover.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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