I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
