my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
