You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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