he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
