So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
