508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
