I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
