Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
