Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
