so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
