I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
