john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
