Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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