I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
