Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
