when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bring me that man meat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
