Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The air was thick with penises
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
