Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
