Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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