I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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