Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
