No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
