one two three fourrrrnication!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
