no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
