why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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