Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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