the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
