Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Pooping to opera.
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