You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just had sex bonerless
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
