In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's never too late to be topless.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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