3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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