Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
