You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
