I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
