Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
