I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
