this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
