Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
