You really coming over, don't trick.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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