I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
