dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
