Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
