I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
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Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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