Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
This house was built for laser tag.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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