for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.