You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha