Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow

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(812): My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow http://tfl.nu/ea94

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(585): View more from New York

Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.

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(585): Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories. http://tfl.nu/56hq

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.

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(201): Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag. http://tfl.nu/pvf6

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(416): View more from Ontario

today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added

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(416): today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added http://tfl.nu/jtyi

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(817): View more from Texas

I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.

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(817): I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe. http://tfl.nu/w5m0

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(770): View more from Georgia

Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.

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(770): Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again. http://tfl.nu/e3vl

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(985): View more from Louisiana

I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones

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(985): I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones http://tfl.nu/jfi7

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(514): View more from Quebec

Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank

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(514): Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank http://tfl.nu/3d4y

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(941): View more from Florida

I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.

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(941): I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh. http://tfl.nu/0uja

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(260): View more from Indiana

Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...

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(260): Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall... http://tfl.nu/rel8

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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(402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p

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(785): View more from Kansas

I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.

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(785): I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend. http://tfl.nu/8tu9

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(818): View more from California

You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.

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(818): You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar. http://tfl.nu/wmr3

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.

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(908): I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country. http://tfl.nu/dr7f

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(314): View more from Missouri

Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?

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(314): Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave? http://tfl.nu/zqej

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