Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.