I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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