It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO