put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it