i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
