i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
