can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
please come you make the beer taste better
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
