I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize