why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
