I wanna passion pit in your ass
and you said cock pushups were impossible
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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