We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
