Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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